Our adopted daughter is 7 now. She loves to look through her scrapbook. I tell the story over and over about how she grew in my heart. She understands what foster care is. But I wasn't ready for the hurt and anger that came out of her today.
"What I can't understand Mom is why SHE didn't keep me!" she said. I explained that the foster mom was only to take care of her until we found her...that God had a plan for us. She abruptly replied, "I KNOW. WHY DIDN'T THAT LADY THAT GREW ME IN HER BELLY KEEP ME." Mind you that we aren't looking at the birthmom's picture...we don't have one. I very calmly replied with my well-rehearsed line, "She chose to have you. That was a good thing. But some mommies and daddies aren't ready to parent their children." Of course, that led to, "Well, did SHE have any other kids." Instead of directly answering, I gently replied, "Well, when you are 18, maybe you can look her up and ask her yourself." I know the truth. I know that she has at least one other child. I'm not ready to answer that one!
Some people think that adoption ends with the court document saying yes, you are the parents. But that's just the start. It's the beginning of a long road in which you won't have all the answers. It's a constant struggle for acceptance. Then one day, 18 years later, some questions may be answered...ending some of that hurt and anger. Then the healing can truly begin.
